check it out! i finally launched my indiegogo campaign to finance my trip to fall 2012 bikram yoga teacher training! i’m excited, scared, nervous. what if it doesn’t work? well, the only way it can work is if i try, so i’m trying and if it doesn’t work at least i can say i tried. that’s a lot better than saying, “i should” and only thinking about it. at least, now i’m doing something. it’s like toe stand, i never used to try toe stand because i couldn’t figure out how people were doing it. then one day i realized that the only way i was going to get into toe stand was if i tried doing it. you gotta try otherwise you won’t ever do it. toe stand didn’t happen overnight, it took me a while, trying everyday until finally i was doing it.

more exciting news! i got a job at a local place here in utah. this is good but what’s even better is that in a few hours, i’m on my way back to california for another job interview, only a retail job, but at least it’s in california. i’m super stoked, so look for an update on saturday and think positive for me until then. xo,m

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here’s the view behind the tuacahn amphitheater. i know it looks pretty, but after about a week of only seeing scenery like this, it gets boring! i’m anxious to get back to california where you have the beach and the mountains. what can i say? i’m one of those people who likes a little variety in my life. life is like pizza, you can’t order pepperoni every single time, it’s good to switch things up. that’s why i like santa cruz so much—you can easily bike from the pacific ocean to the redwood sea in 20 minutes.

well, there’s lots of exciting things happening right now. i’ve got an interview with target that would bring me back home! i’m also about to launch an indiegogo fundraiser to collect money for bikram yoga teacher training, which is the ultimate goal for me. when i become a bikram teacher, i’ll be able to travel the united states, teaching and photographing, that would be my dream life. well, enough talking about it, time to start the journey. i love you all,m

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here’s a photo from another time that’s really from this afternoon. there was a car show down the road, so i staked out a spot after it was over in hopes of catching some hot rods and this was the best one i got. wish it had been one of the rat rods or 40s/50s cars, but whatevs, this looks cool at least, except for those godawful rims, ha ha.

so i had a job interview yesterday and it went really well, i think. i made them laugh a lot, which i always think is good and the night manager kept saying she really liked what i had to say about stress: “stress is only a by-product of how you handle a situation.” for almost every question they asked me, i was able to bring it back to stuff i learned from the yoga studio. they kept posed a lot of different scenarios to me, how would you handle this, kind of stuff and i was able to relate my experiences from when i was the front desk person at village yoga. like i said, i felt it went well and it’s only a seasonal job til december, but the idea of spending summer in utah is too depressing to even think about. next week i have an interview in santa cruz, which, if hired will present a lot of logistical problems (where will i live? how will i eat?), but it’s gotta be better than this. we’ll see what happens, but think positive for me, okay? xo,m

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some days it’s hard to imagine that i used to bike ride along this coast everyday. one of my favorite things to do after bikram would be to ride along california’s edge and hit the beach. oh, how i miss it so. i tried going for a nice, long bike ride today but it was debilitatingly hot and windy, i even waited til after 5pm to ride, but that still did no good. a few weeks ago, i had a phone interview with a local place and the hr woman asked me, “what’s your favorite thing about living here?” wow, did that throw me off. i got flustered because there’s nothing i like about living here. after a long ummmmmmmm, i managed to say, “the scenery.” ha ha. that’s a joke because there is no scenery, it’s all dirt and rocks. despite my stumbles during the phone interview, i managed to get an in-person second, interview which is tomorrow. even though i don’t want to work there, i need a job and minimum wage is still money. i’m really looking at tomorrow’s interview as a warm-up for next week’s interview at target, back in santa cruz. again, not really a job i want, but it pays better than minimum wage and is in california, the only place i can imagine living. so, tomorrow is gonna be practise for next week, which is the only thing on my mind right now.

did you see the avengers movie yet? i remember when they announced it a few years ago, i can’t believe it’s finally out. it was totally worth the wait too, if you like comic book movies. last night i saw “the hills have eyes.” i like scary movies, but this was more slasher than scary. i like movies more like blair witch project or paranmormal activity, scary but not blatantly violent. my favorite genres, in order, are documentaries, rom coms, dumb coms, comic book, action and scary. if you have any suggestions for me, leave them in the comments. also, let me know how your yoga class is going. since i’m not yogaing right now i’ve been doing sit-ups, free weights and bike riding (when it’s okay to bike), plus the odd yoga pose or two. not much, but i’m doing what i can. xo,m

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i’ve been applying to jobs like crazy and today i heard back from whole foods. the e-mail said they were going to “pursue other applicants” for the job. oh boy, i got kinda bummed out. i’d like to think that i could work at a grocery store, how hard can it really be? besides that, it’d be a good paying job with benefits. these are two things i would really like until i can go to bikram yoga teacher training. instead of staying bummed, i went for a bike ride and found this dilapidated old chevy truck. i like the freedom and silence a bike ride gives you—on a good day all you hear is your breath and the sound your bike makes. trying to stay positive without yoga is hard, but the bike rides help. okay friends, hope this note finds you well. all of my love, all of my kissin, m

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hey, that looks like a pretty good burger, doesn’t it? you wanna know what? it was! three miles one way makes this a difficult place to visit, but since i have a gift card, i rode my bike out there today to get another one. well, the joke was on me because they went out of business on saturday! that’s the kind of luck i have, but i’m gonna try and turn that around. this week i’ll be interviewing for a crap minimum wage job here in town. i really don’t want to work there, but i’m going to look at it as practise for next week’s interview with target, back home in santa cruz. i don’t even really want that job, i’d like to do something that uses my brain and artistic abilities, but i’ll take whatever i can if it gets me back in california. living in utah is not for me, everyone here is right-wing republican with a small town mentality. i need to live in a blue state, you know? so, here’s hoping my luck starts changing soon! xo,m

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trixie lee kitty, queen of the backyard jungle. so, um, yeah, as some of you may have heard, trixie passed away in february. it was really quite a shock to me. i thought i was quite attentive to her health and then one day i realized how shockingly skinny she had become. then it seemed like the next day she wasn’t eating and could barely move. oh my gosh, it was horrible, but she died with my arm around her, next to me in bed. i kept telling her how much i loved her and before i knew it she stopped breathing. i didn’t want her to stop, but i knew she had to. i’d been telling her mr. purr and motor would be there waiting for her and i know my 3 kitties are now together, waiting for me to complete the family. i miss all of them, everyday and that will prolly never change. thank you for letting me share her with you. hugs,m

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hi sweat friends, this one is really hard for me to write. it seems like the beastie boys have always been a part of my life. i’ll never forget the first time i heard the beastie boys. i was a sophomore in high school. the girl i was in love with put “cookie puss” on a mixtape for me, it was one of the coolest songs i’d ever heard. that tape had lots of cool stuff on it too: Gun Club, Ray Charles, the Crystals, some of my favorite music to this day, that woman had damn good taste, but that beasties track stuck out because it was new and happening right now.

when i was a junior in high school my mom used to drive me to school, she was a counselor there, and we’d listen to the radio on the way. licensed to ill had just come out and, i swear, the local radio station would play 2 or 3 songs off that record every hour. not just “fight for your right to party” either, they’d literally play the whole record if you listened long enough.

freshman year in college, i didn’t know anybody, licensed to ill was one of my few friends. yes, it sucked that every dorm room would be blasting it, but still it comforted me. i used to stare at that gatefold for hours, amazed, it says “3mta3″ is eat me backwards! it’s a plane on one side and the other is a giant joint being put out!

i was a dj on the college radio station when paul’s boutique came out. it wasn’t just a gatefold, it was a tri-fold. seriously, it was, like, the coolest record ever, i couldn’t believe people only liked “hey ladies.” paul’s boutique was massive and there wasn’t a bad song on the record, it was better than sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band which gets negative points for george’s “within you without you,” a distraction of a song. there were no distractions on paul’s boutique, just one big party.

check your head was amazing to me because the beasties were actually playing their own instruments. not only that, but they weren’t a “party” band anymore. their lyrics had always been clever, but maybe a little misogynistic. with check your head the attitude was different, it was like they listened to dr. dre when he rapped “to create something funky that’s original, you need to talk about the place to be, who you are, what you got, about a sucker mc.” “girls” became “gratitude,” “when you’ve got so much to say, it’s called gratitude.” check your head was the first time i ever heard the word “namaste” and you know that’s an MCA track.

MCA really shined on ill communication when he rapped “i wanna say a little something that’s overdue, the disrespect to women has got to be through.” sometimes it seemed like MCA was the conscious of the band. who else would come up with a rhyme like that?

When i got divorced the beastie boys put out a new record for me to get stoned to. Hello Nasty was just as impressive as paul’s boutique and it was prolly the only thing i listened to for months. that was also the record that finally made me listen to lee perry. i knew of him because of the clash, but hearing him on dr. lee made me buy and absorb everything lee perry that i could.

when i got over the divorce i met the most perfect girl a loser like me could ever hope to meet. she was a bigger beastie boys fan than me. we took a cab to see the beasties in long beach and rode the bus back home packed with people who’d just been to the same show we’d been to. that will always be one of the best nights of my life, seeing the beastie boys in my hometown, using public transportation, being with the love of my life. we *were* the b-boys and b-girls rocking on and on. we’d also see the beasties at irvine meadows for a kroq weenie roast which was awesome but not as great as when we went to see them in coachella. we had a hotel room in palm springs, got stoned all day, watched the anaheim ducks in the playoffs and timed our arrival at coachella so we would only see the beastie boys. we got there so late they parked us right next to the entrance! i’d rolled up a half-ounce into 4 joints that we enjoyed while the beasties were on stage, we were so high and happy, the beasties were right there, in front of us. i’ll never forget that night, ever.

that seems like so long ago, but the beastie boys never stopped. “too many rappers” and not enough MCs came out while i was in santa cruz, alone on cold mountain, beastie boys always a part of my life. mca rapped “i been in the game since before you was born, might still be MCing even after you’re gone.” i wish that was true, but MCA is gone now, only 5 years older than me. 47 is too young to die from anything, especially cancer. i knew something was wrong when he didn’t show up to the rock and roll hall of fame, but i din’t think he was gonna die. how could he? i thought the beastie boys would be around forever. in tears, m

“good times gone and you miss them”

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one of my favorite views from santa cruz. sigh.

yesterday i wrote that i hadn’t found any jobs yet, but that’s not entirely true. I actually found a few jobs but hadn’t heard back about any of them. the job i feel most qualified for is a production artist job, it’s what i did with great success for 10 years at lakeshore learning materials. a few weeks weeks ago there was a spate of production artist jobs, at good companies too, one at bell helmets, another at a nutritional supplement company called rainbow light and one at prana, the yoga mat/clothing company. even the products they make were right up my alley, i’m an avid bike rider, so i think i’d fit in great at a bike-oriented company like bell helmets, plus they’re in the santa cruz area. perfect for me, right? but i got an e-mail today saying the job was filled. it was so deceptive too because part of the e-mail addy was “join us”—i totally thought i was getting offered an interview when i saw it in my in-box, talk about a let down. the other jobs i haven’t even heard back from, so depressing. well, that’s all for now, thanks for reading. xo,m

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i haven’t been writing much because if you don’t have anything good to say, you prolly shouldn’t say anything. since i’ve been stuck in utah, i’ve been eating poorly, not bikraming and basically not enjoying life. trixie died and now i’m alone. every day i look for jobs in california, but still haven’t found anything. actually, that’s not true, i had 2 chances to interview at hertz but i couldn’t get back for the interview. i hate utah, it’s a red state, republican through and through, look at the election results if you don’t believe me. i fit in here like a cat at a dog show, which is why i’m sharing this video. you prolly saw the sequel, it already has over 2 million views in less than a month, but this one doesn’t even have a million, so maybe you haven’t seen it yet. i hope you enjoy it, this was one of the few highlights of my day. xo,m

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hi everyone, thanks for sticking with me through this trying time. i really appreciate your comments and e-mails, often times, they’re the only highlight of my day. 2012 is gonna be much better, right? since the new year always brings in people who’ve never practised bikram before, i thought i would share my beginner’s advice to bikram yoga, which might help you even if you’re already a bikram badass.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 1
don’t expect to do anything that the person in front of you is doing. it’s like riding a surfboard. you can’t go out and rule the waves on your first day out, don’t expect to be in that beautiful standing bow your first day in the room. relax, don’t worry, just do what your body will allow. your first day in the room, concentrate on the instructions, take them one step at a time, don’t go further than your body will allow and be comfortable with that. it’s okay, no one else is judging you.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 2
there is no shame in sitting out a pose. there’s a lot going on in the room. if you find yourself gasping for air, struggling to keep up with the rest of the room, sit down for a pose, get your breath back and relax. we all have to sit down at one time or another, it’s not a bad thing.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 3
get into savasana as quickly as possible. don’t waste your time wiping off the sweat, huffing, puffing or groaning. turn around and get on your back as fast as you can. savasana doesn’t last that long, so you gotta make the most of what they give you. make it a contest—see how fast you can go get into savasana. seriously friends, that could be the best part of bikram, flat on your back doing and thinking nothing. that’s why it’s the hardest pose. no drinking, no wiping sweat, no fidgeting. it’s corpse pose so you can’t even twitch your nose a little. i think this has taught me so much discipline in my practise and even in my day-to-day life. that’s not why it’s the hardest pose though—getting all the voices in your head to stop—that’s what makes it the hardest pose and one i’m never ashamed to work on.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 4
don’t keep score. a long time ago, in a studio down the street, my teacher told me, “it’s only yoga, don’t go home and write down all the things you did bad.” it’s really easy to beat yourself up over your practise, “i did this good, but i couldn’t do this,” who cares? they call it a yoga class, but there’s no grades. heartbreakers, after class, your teacher isn’t gonna say “your standing bow sucked,” so why should you?

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 5
smile. even if you’re not happy to be in the hot room, remember: you paid money to feel this way! i don’t think people smile enough in the hot room. even if you’re miserable, smile at yourself in the mirror and don’t take yourself so seriously. smiling may not improve your standing bow, but it will improve how you deal with falling out of it. you know that saying “i have to laugh to keep from crying”? sometimes i smile to keep from running out of the room! not really, but you get it, right?

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 6
don’t hate your teacher. friends, they’re not doing this to be mean, they’re trying to help! making dirty looks at your teacher isn’t gonna make your 90 minutes in the hot room any easier, trust me. it doesn’t matter how old they are or what their body looks like, learn to trust your teacher and appreciate their words—they’ve been through training, you haven’t.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 7
be prepared—be hydrated. this doesn’t mean chug a bunch of water right before class, you gotta start the night before! before bikram, avoid soda or coffee and stick with water, it *will* affect your practise, i promise. the more you stick with it, the less water you’ll need during class. honest.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 8
put sea salt on your food. your body just sweated for 90 minutes. it’s a detox, but that doesn’t mean your body doesn’t need some of the things it sweated out. sodium, potassium, calcium, etc need to be replaced in more than usual amounts because you just sweated more than most people do in a week! i think salt is one of the perks of being a bikram badass, enjoy it!

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 9
cave in to your cravings. your body is gonna want things you never knew it wanted. you might even eat more because of all the extra energy you’ve exerted. listen to your body, it knows what it wants and needs. my favorite example of this: i worked with a woman who was raised vegetarian by hippie parents. she was the lecturer at the department pot lucks on the evils of meat. that was before she was eating for two and began craving steak and bacon. she’d never eaten meat in her life and she wanted bacon. did she cave in to the crave? you know it. heartbreakers, your body knows what it wants and needs, all you have to do is listen.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 10
try. i love the story about bikram sitting on two telephone books, tearing one page out a day to get into fixed-firm pose. you gotta work through your injuries if you wanna recover from them. master each pose *one* *stage* *at* *a* *time* and you won’t hurt yourself because you never go farther than your body will allow.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 11
enjoy final savasana as long as possible. you worked hard for 90 minutes, don’t run out of the room as soon as class is over. this is the most relaxed your body will ever be today, enjoy it. i know the tempation is to run out of the room for fresh air, but final savasana is when your body absorbs the benefits from what you’ve just done in the hot room. enjoy it and know that you’re also building discipline by not leaving as soon as you can!

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 12
stick with it. you’re not gonna see results right away. how long have you been living without bikram? you’re not gonna get fixed overnight. i look at it like this, 36 years of bad posture compared to 2.5 years of healing, how much progress do you want in a week? a month? keep coming back as often as you can, once a week, 3 times a week or everyday, you’ll notice a difference not only in your practise but also in your real life. maintain a regular practise and you *will* see results.

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 13
keep your eyes up. your body follows your eyes—always keep your eyes looking up in class, at the top of the mirror if you have to, it will keep your energy up and help you stay positive. as soon as you start looking at the ground, your energy will fall, don’t let that happen to you!

beginner’s advice to bikram yoga pt. 14
clean your gear. think of your yoga mat as a dinner plate that has the hottest dish in the world—you! you’d wash your plate after dinner, so why not wash your mat & towel? and seriously, that doesn’t mean, washing it in the shower, rolling it up and throwing it in the trunk of your car to sit and ferment, it needs to get dry. trust me, your fellow benders will thank you.

alright heartbreakers, i hope these tips help you, i’m sure you have a few of your own, so please add them to the comments section. don’t forget to check out my bikram yoga inspired drawings that are now on t-shirts, tank tops and hoodies! all the proceeds go towards my teacher training fund. this past year (2011), i earned $12, which isn’t even enough for a bikram class, so let’s surpass that by thousands in 2012. xo,m

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this is what it’s like where i’m at. the red mountain, and that’s actually what it is known as, may look beautiful, but trust me, it doesn’t change. that’s why i love the ocean, it’s different every second, always changing. the red mountain just stays there like a bump on a log. can you tell i’m a little depressed today? well, not really, but the scenery has worn thin on me and i’m anxious to get back to california.

how about a brighter topic? i went to a vinyasa class last night and a hot yoga class today! last night’s vinyasa class was the first real vinyasa class i’ve been to. earlier this month i went to a 60 minute vinyasa/bikram mash-up and it was nothing like this! vinyasa is nice, it’s a lot more upper body work than bikram, but that doesn’t make it better. bikram works every part of your body in an order that prepares your muscles for the next pose. vinyasa is a little more free form and, like i said, more focused on the upper body. still, it’s yoga and right now that’s the important thing. i’ll get back to bikram soon and someday i’ll teach bikram and i’ll be a better teacher because of these classes. xo,m

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well, i went to “hot yoga” tonight, it was kind of fun, kinda whatever. you all know i’m a devout bikram practiser, so straying from the series isn’t really my bag, but why complain? i’ll talk about the differences in later blog posts because tonight wasn’t the normal hot yoga sequence. tonight seemed pretty unscripted and we did a lot of poses i haven’t encountered before. the best one was lotus, lol, but only because i’ve been sitting in lotus since i was in high school. then we lifted ourselves up and i can do that on my fingers, so i felt all hotsy-totsy, ha ha. other times, i was totally looking up at the teacher or other students to see what the hell we were doing. i don’t know the names of yoga poses not in the bikram series, so when the teacher calls them out, i’m like, “huh?” honestly, i’m still not even sure i’m doing downward dog right! i think this experience will be good when i’m a bikram teacher—i’ll have a better understanding of why people want to modify the poses, so i’ll have that in my pocket when i get back to bikram. mmmmmmm, i miss a good bikram butt-kicking, if you got one today, know how jealous i am of you! xo,m

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hi, how are you? i know it’s been a while, but i haven’t felt like much of an inspiration the past few months. mostly i’ve been down and depressed. if i could cry myself to sleep at night, i would. living out here is like solitary confinement and every day seems to take me farther away from where i want to be. i try my hardest to be positive, but i just haven’t felt like writing.

the past few weeks, i’ve been working on an acoustic set that i could perform at the local open mic. you see, heartbreakers, your humble narrator was in a band once and, even though there hasn’t been a band, he never stopped writing songs. well, i put together a short set and decided to record it in garageband and that’s what i’ve been working obsessively in ever since. omgosh, i’ve been having so much fun, recording, listening, rearranging stuff. plus, the keyboards in garageband are so cool! i’m gonna bring new wave back, friends, honest.

alright friends, that’s what’s been keeping me busy lately, but i’ve also made it to a few “hot yoga” classes and i’m anxious to share my experiences with you because some of it is so different than bikram! i’ll start tomorrow, but i’ll just tell you know, we don’t do toe stand! alright, that’s just a little taste of the different flavored yoga i’m enjoying right now. see you tomorrow, m ~|~ p.s. thanks to leigh, sue, steve and mary for keeping the candle burning while i was gone.

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i got a boy/girl matching set of schwinn collegiate bikes a little while back. these are the original tires, look how the rubber has dried out and cracked off, you can see the threads of the tire. all i need are new tires & tubes and these rides are gonna be bad ass.

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this ice machine is a good reminder to not wait. i’d been wanting to photograph a really old ice machine at a nearby park, but was never happy with the lighting. the other day, i noticed the machine is gone. never wait for a photograph, if you’re feeling it, take it. this happened to me before with the greyhound bus station in santa cruz. only half-a-block away from village yoga, i rode by the bus station everyday, always thinking to myself that i should photograph the sign out front. but it was so close to the studio, i felt like i take that picture any day, the bus station is always gonna be there, no rush. until one day i rode by and saw them knocking down the bus station. ack! never wait, friends. xo,m

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this park has 6 baseball fields and free wi-fi! catching up with daily photos. ~m

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hello from trixie and me. sitting on the floor with trixie on my leg.

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today was the first time, in a long time, that i actually felt inspired. look how beautiful the day is, if you can see it amidst my arty angles. it felt good to be alive today. now to get back into the yoga groove. ~m

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the neighborhood. i kinda like this shot. there’s something about it. kind of reminds of another time.

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no matter where you live, one of the best places to meet people is at the bike rack. this is chester, posted up outside the neighborhood market.

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race encouragement, “honey, i am nice and warm at home.” spotted this on my morning bike ride. seems like there’s always a bike race in the area. the scenery is perfect for it.

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sometimes i wonder if my photographs are too much “the song remains the same.” is it yet another gnarled tree post or an interesting something or other? every dali has his gala, i’m missing mine. ~m

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barbed wire view of red mountain. i’ve been having a hard time staying focused. nothing changes, it’s the same thing everyday. did danny downer come to the party? that’s the way it feels. ~m

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view from the splash pad. lately, i haven’t felt like writing. sorry to be such a flake. ~m

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halloween in the desert.

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halloween in santa cruz last year. that was a pretty fun halloween. i’ve been blessed to have some good halloweens. halloween 1991, me and my friends headlined a small new york city club, that was pretty cool. however you spent your halloween, i hope you’re happy. xom

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this photo was invited into the flickr group “perfect beauty.” i love it when that happens. ~m

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do you think it was misleading when i tweeted this photo as “a dynamic swinger”? [sic] i think some of my tweeps might have been expecting something (or someone) else.

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another view of the ducks at lower tawa pond. i like this park!

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this is the vegas dog, ketchup and mustard only. hot dog restaurants are becoming quite popular. i wish i could show you a journal from 1998 where i write about the hot dog place i wanted to open off of 2nd street in the belmont shore neighborhood of long beach. the area is not only ripe with businesses, but over-populated with apartments, just screaming for a local hangout, where you can sit on a sofa and watch the game, while your partner is out shopping. hot dogs only but also a vegetarian dish prepared fresh daily, so carnivores and herbivores can dine together happily. the mckinley dog would have been like this but with a little mayonaisse too (sorry jimmy fallon). as you can tell, i’ve had a million pipe dreams over the years. xo,m

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