Week 3 : My Hips, My Hips!

First of all, I would like to thank the lovely Gib from New York [also known as Sweaty Yogi] and his roommate Greg for letting me crash their place and use a fabulous lappie to blog. Gib has a pretty awesome and really in-depth blog about Week 3 events, so go check it out here!

Week 3 heralded the beginning of Anatomy with Dr.Trippani [if my Italian is correct] and his lovely wife Sonya. I know I’m such a geek and sucker for Latin words and anything anatomy/biology related – I absolutely enjoyed and adored his anatomy classes! A pity we have to blaze through the anatomy lessons because I would dearly love to learn more about ischial tuberosities and the gluteal muscles. In relation to yoga. Ahem ahem. And definitely more about carpal tunnel, the nerves and the alleopathic system! I find it oh-so fascinating – even more than going out shopping for a new pair of heels [I hate shopping for shoes cause I have demented feet].

Emmy was here this whole week! I looooove her. She is full of knowledge, wise and practical. As Gib says, she advocates yoga AND modern medicine, 2 mixes that go well together. For example, you tear a ligament? Chill out, go see a doctor. So sad to see her leave, I will miss her energy, wisdom and knowledge! Can you believe she is in her 80s and able to put her leg over her head?! I’m 1/4 her age and can’t do crap! Emmy is SNEAKY in that during class, you hear her voice revebrating out of the speakers, she says “Aha, I see a girl who’s sitting too low” and WHAM hits you with a posture correction midway. [yes, that was me]. So in the beginning all us trainees were looking around nervously for where Emmy was, just so we wouldn’t get freaked when she pounces on you with a posture correction!

Ahh, had a bit of a mini run in with this person whom I shall call Chicago Bull. Cause Bulls have a temper [ironically I'm born in the year of the Ox] and boy oh boy, his temper is terribly revolting for a trainee. So I was standing on my left side of the mat waiting for people to line up on the lines, so I can determine which side [on the line, above the line] I belong on cause some of the teachers here are particular about where you go, which is GOOD because I don’t want someone’s sweaty balls dangling in my face. As I was waiting, Chicago Bull turns to me and aggresively tells me to “HURRY UP, COME ON”. OK, WTF. Seriously? In the yoga room? Dude, if you’re really anxious to know where to step, and this is my opinion purely, just COUNT a few mats down and estimate YOURSELF whether you need to step forward or backward. Don’t rush people, and stop being so aggressive! This person falls out of postures [as we all do], gets all aggro, stomps his feet around, huffs and puffs and is very very … unprofessional about his conduct in AND out the yoga room. I had the misfortune [or fortune] of practicing in front of him, and I fell out of Standing Bow a couple of times. I could feel his mean, horrible and negative energy BORING into the back of my skull, cause he’s probably thinking, “Why the FUCK is she standing in front and always falling out?!”. Oh well, maybe that was my yoga for the day, to put up with negative energy and give him positive energy. Or I could be the mean bitch that I am and lace his water with laxatives.

Friday evening marked another emergency exit for me. That was a hot, sweaty and juicy class! Again, my face went numb, fingers and legs started getting tingly and I decided to not be a heroine. Dragged my soppy, self out muttering [in my head], “Fuck fuck face face face!”. The very nice and absolutely cute Tu from New Orleans [I just wanna hug him, squeeeeeze him and carry him back to Malaysia cause he's SO CUTE and CHARMING!] gave me a cup of Coke laced with oodles of salt [which I found to be very delicious] and another cup with regular Coke [it has subtle differences to the Coke we have in Malaysia, not that I drank much of it to start with]. 2-3 postures later he booted me back to class, saying “You learn more in there than you do out here, get back in!”. Oh, and I used the Sick Bin [the bin where you puke in] as all the gas in the Coke was making me all burpy and puke-worthy. Lesson of the class? I’m STRONGER than I think I am! Oh, it was David from Dallas’ class, it was so wonderful and he stuck with dialogue word for word!

A few things about the dialogue and the way it’s written. As a former copywriter, I must admit that when I got my copy of the dialogue from the studio director I grabbed a pen and started correcting the spelling AND grammar. In fact, if you have a look at that muffin-ridden oil-stained copy, you WILL see traces of where I amended standing head to knee, amongst other poses. Basically, yes, it’s written in pidgin English BECAUSE it is the fastest way to get the commands to your body in order for your body to respond to them. For example, instead of “Bring your right leg up”, the dialogue says “right leg lift up”, cause it’s so beautifully SIMPLE!! This goes with other parts of the dialogue, instead of “Touch your forehead exactly on the knee”, it’s “Touch your EXACTLY forhead on the knee” because first, you know it’s EXACT. Forehead. Knee. There, isn’t that simple?

I bring this up because I heard a trainee moan and groan about how the dialogue is easier for ESL [English as a Second Language] students as we can’t tell correct grammar from wrong grammar. It’s not about correct grammar, punctuation or whatever, it’s how it’s delivered straight from the teacher’s mind, to her mouth, to her student’s body.

Another point about certain members of this TT is how some people look upon disdain at the anatomy lectures and Dr.T’s nutrition lecture. This man I was sitting next to said to a couple of his mates, “What the hell, this isn’t a posture, this isn’t a dialogue, why should I care?”. Well, firstly, I KNOW that the lectures are important because what if someone comes up to you and says, “I have a fracture on my C7, pain in my carpals and I recently squished my ischial tuberosities in a car accident, is it safe for me to do Camel?”.  And if you don’t know SQUAT about what the heck the person was talking about, how are you going to advise and subsequently TEACH and CORRECT and HELP the person? AND, to add to that, if you’re misdiagnosting and not helping the person, you WILL be giving bad advice and consequently leading the person to injury, making the person to think that Bikram Yoga is not safe and will cause herniated discs and what not, all because you did not pay attention at all during the lecture. As Emmy says, “Precision, Intensity and Frequency” !!!!

Gosh, ranty much? OK, rant over!

I feel so blessed and lucky to be in a group of really positive people who love this yoga and love that they’re here! I also am loving the wonderful faces and generosity of the many yogis and yoginis in this training!

And with that, I will leave y’all here as I think I’d better give Gib and awesome Greg some privacy. A little person like me can do much damage, apparently, according to my feedback from the posture clinics! First I was told to not find power through volume [oops!], then to not speak so fast [oops!]. I have a feeling I’ll be a meanie teacher who teachers a tough class, and this was proved by Tomoko who said “Oh my, I’m afraid to take your class! You’re gonna be so tough!”. :s

I promise not to hold y’all in Awkward Part 2 for tooooo long.

M*

Week 2

First of all, I’m on a 13 minute time limit so this will be a quick update before I get vamoos’d off the computer.

Sorry, totally verbose update – but I know you guys love it – hah!

Ahem.

First off all, Thursday will hereby be known as Carnage Night as 100++ trainees were all sitting in the parking lot suffering from dehydration, exhaustion, overheating and what-have-you-not, including yours truly.

It was FREAKING HOT, 145F!!!! 98% humidity!!! People were throwing up, crying, and by cobra, my whole face went numb with my entire left leg cramping up. Not fun. Decided to fuck-all and not push myself too much [7 more weeks afterall!!!], raised my hand and limped out helped by Fiona. A staff member came to collect me at the door and promptly gave me gatorade and 2 cups of pedialite [mmmm pedialite] to rehydrate my sad sorry ass. Er, face. Face. When asked “What’s wrong with you?”, I COULD NOT TALK [because my face was numb afterall!] and just mumbled : “Ah fung fuh fuh fes”. I could’ve been talking Greek for all they cared, but I got treated like the depleted diva that I am. Since I was blocking the passageway, I had to be MOVED outside to get some fresh air, and lo behold, LOTS OF casualties! I remember thinking when my face went numb, “Oh God, is this how a freaking face lift of Botox feels like?!” [yeah, I've got a really weird sense of humour- kiss me!]. Poor John, who was supporting me from door to parking lot, decided halfway to carry a very soggy me because uh, I think I was clawing into his shoulder for support. Thank you John!

OK weird thing , how’d he know my name? Cause halfway when tofu me was limping, he said “OK Mei, why not I carry you?”. Realised that some staffers / visiting teachers probably read my blog so, HELLO Bikram Yoga Fall 09 Staffers and visiting teachers! *waves like a mad woman

Bikram was nice and gave us Thursday [Carnage] night off, only after watching a few news segments about Bikram Yoga. Friday night was BOOGIE DISCO NIGHT! Right after class, Bikram put on his doof doof dance CD and during savasana, a few crazy yogis [like yours truly] got up and danced danced danced at the back of the room! Let me tell you, the ENERGY WAS SURREAL and it made me want to laugh dance cry and should all at the same time. It was a much better high than taking 3 hits of E *clears throat uncomfortably. And uh, I think fellow trainees think I’m a little dynamo of sorts :

TC : Yeah, there was this girl who jumped right up after savasana and started dancing! Then she grabbed the guy on the mat next to her, and ther were both jumping and dancing up and down!!!

Mei : Oh, really? That sounds like me!

TC : Are you sure? Cause she looked really tall!

Mei : Oh , yeah. That DEFINITELY was me! Jumping and going wooo! Heh.

Random updates!

- Some Australian guy requested people not to fart in class. Ya, really. Ya, seriously. Next time I see him, I’ll drink 4 cups of whey protein shake, position my mat directly above him and give him a few good stinky farts. Saddam Hussein’s mustard gas will have NOTHING against a few stinky whey protein Mei farts.

- Forcing myself to eat even though on some days [especially during carnage night] I had ABSOLUTELY no appetite. Some trainees are calorie counting, but fucking hell, I calorie count to make sure that I consume 2000calories MINIMUM.

- Freaked the cleaning ladies up when I conversed with them in Spanish. So, be nice to them, cause you get extra towels and toiletries. Heh heh heh.

- Can’t wait for Nicholas T to come visit – I need other non yoga friends to talk about random stuff other than the colour of my poop [green], constipation, pee and hydration.

- Even after filtration, the water still kinda tastes crap. Ugh.

And with that, my 13 minutes of internet fame is up.

M*

Week 1

HAI BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.

I MISS YOU GUYS.

It feels weird getting online chatting / updating / twittering without any replies. I am truly SO SO SO SORRY that I can’t blog from the Hilton cause :

- Wifi is FUCKING expensive. US$14.99 for 24 hours?! are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!!!!!!!

- Which brings me to point 2 – no free wifi from the hilton. WTF.

- I. have. no. energy.or. time.

Soooooo let me do a quick summary of things that I can remember [it will be in disjointed sentences because - so kill me nazi grammar police - I am rushing to finish off a blog post and head off to do laundry / grocery shopping - weeeee!]  :

Monday :

- 1 class. Room not hot. Body aching.

- 1st week, take it easy honey! Don’t try to freaking impress Bikram!!!! A girl next to me was trying to force herself during rabbit but she came out with a look of pain on her face. That is not what yoga is about!

- Evening off. Went to wallmart [hate the service there] and got a crockpot, food [canned] and other stuff.

Tuesday :

- Room STILL NOT HOT. Barely dripped. Started doing doubles.

- Shoulders fucking hurt.

Thursday

- Stayed up till 3am watching mahabharat and other things. It was REALLY interestng but I was too tired to keep up. Slept with my mouth wide open [Mel took a photo] and woke up to cotton mouth. Bleh.

- People started complaining and crying. Oh for pete’s sake. Bikram has done this for over 40 years [teaching Yoga] and if you think US$10,500 will compel him to teach YOU EVERYTHING , you are sorely mistaken. You gotta learn most of the things yourself! [ok I feel a few hate comments coming in *gets shields up*]

- Went out for dinner with Mel [happy 27th birthday roomie!! ]

Friday

- DELIVERED DIALOGUE TODAY TO BIKRAM. Holy shitballs I crapped my pants, probably farted out of fear. He was smiling after I delivered dialogue [i guess that's good?!?!] and this was the exchange between us after my delivery [believe me, I think I emptied my bowels halfway (been having constipation the past week) ] :

Bikram : You know, when you stepped up on stage, I was thinking of something. You guys have the same thought?

Mei : Uhhh….

Bikram : Hmm, nevermind, I tell you after training. Good job, fantastic.

Mei : WEE thanks! *scoot off stage*

So he cornered me AFTER dialogue delivery and gave me a big hug, and tld me when he wanted to say when I was on stage [please hold something before you fall off your chair laughing].

Bikram : You know, when you first stepped on stage, I thought you were a boy. *laugh. Then you turned around, I saw your boobs and realised you were a girl!

Mei : *BLUSH*. It’s ok, I get that alot. Sorry I messed up the dialogue!

Bikram : No no, you did fine.

Haha! But he was so gracious about it. So yeah, gonna grow my hair out when I get back from training.

ok, gotta run.

HAPPY SMILING FACE. So damn. fucking. tired.

*zz.

M*

From Vegas with Love

Ahh a very outdated update, just to keep y’all in the loop, all my precious 3 readers! *sob

I bet you must be wondering what the heck I’ve been up to, aside from going to Bikram yoga with bikramyogachick [who is flexi but doesn't realise it yet - plus she's got an awesome rockstar practice! So strong and so much energy and determination!!!!!]. A slight summary of the debauchery I have gotten up to… even before training starts. HEE HEE!

Friday :

Michelle and I visited Red Rock canyon – a little sightseeing before the torture. Aka checking out the locals. It was a truly spectacular sight, as I’ve never been to a desert before. Stunning, breathtaking, with the beautiful red canyon that looked as though God him/herself took a paintbrush and tenderly brushed ochre red against the canyon.

Took the 430pm class and had the pleasure to meet up with a fellow tweeter, @ryanlvnv ! Such a kind soul, was very fortunate to meet him and absorb his happy-clappy energy before class

Saturday :

My highlight of the day was… get ready for the geekiness of this… going to Whole Foods and Target. We don’t exactly have a Whole Foods / Target there [something similiar though!], so I was just walking up and down the aisles going “ooooo! AAAAAAH!” and..and.. and.. I SAW A GIANT MY LITTLE PONY COLOURING BOOK. SQUEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

Control yourself woman. You’re 24 and about to become a Bikram Yoga teacher. Sweet GOD!

Ahem.

BUT A GIANT, LIKE, GIANT, ALMOST 1/4 OF MY SIZE GIANT MY LITTLE PONY COLOURING BOOK that costs US$15

Took a 1.30pm rocking and juicy class with Brandy. She. Is. A. Nazi. Oh but I love her!!! Made a few adjustments on me, which I am eternally grateful for! Oh she’s such a sweetheart, hoping to see her at training!

Spent Saturday night in with a couple of spiced pumpkin ales, yum! Either my alcohol tolerance is SHIT, or the ales in US are pretty freaking strong.

Now if y’all will excuse me, I need to shower, change, pack my bags… CAUSE I AM HEADED FOR THE HILTON baby! HELL YEAH! 9 weeks of torture!

M*

p.s : I am staying in the moment, staying in the moment so good, I don’t even feel excited. Hmm, is there something wrong with me?

p.p.s : WHO THE HECK steals a box of tampons?! Fie to the woman who stole my minibox of tampons. I hope the strings all get cut off magically and you gotta do a little treasure hunting up there. WITH BLOOD DRIPPING ALL OVER YOUR HANDS.

*z

Had this wonderfully long blog post written up in my tiny skull, but I’m nodding off to sleep even as I type the first sentence.

Las Vegas is awesome, bikramyogachick is AWESOME, and everything seems to be falling in place!!!

Got my LOVELY tank tops from McKinley - along with a hoodie, wrap and t-shirt. OH MY GOD. THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU [can you hear the squealing from Nevada? Cause I'm pretty sure it's so high pitched only dogs can hear it....]

OK, gotta jet off to bed for a 930am class with Sumach – an awesome looking guy with dreadlocks. Speaking of awesome men – we spotted a USC [or was it WWF? I forgot!] fighter in the hot room today. Not to mention he was kinda cute [blame my ovaries]

M*

VEGAS, BAYBEH

HELLO FOLKS.

In sunny and beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada!

Here’s a brief one cause I need to catch up on sleep.

LAX Airport

Arrived in LAX at 9.35am on Wednesday. LAX = unfriendly, confusing, BORING airport. I was bored out of my head, bored outta my mind, and the security peeps there were BRUTAL. It was almost like they failed to become Navy Seals / soldiers so they became…AIRPORT SECURITY personnel. As I was clearing security to go to my gate, one of the security peeps yelled [shouted? barked? running out of synonyms!] and EVERYONE was made to stop moving. There I stood, trying to get my belt through my jeans and half holding my jeans ["Maam, do me a favour, STOP. MOVING." she said] while everyone STOPPED DEAD in their tracks. As for me, I was PRAYING that my jeans wouldn’t fall off and flash half the airport and that there wasn’t a terrorist around who was going to bomb the airport up.

Flight was DELAYED by 30minutes – so sorry Michelle! But it was all good! Michelle’s daughter is not feeling too great plus her kitty was put down today so please do send maximum positive energy their way!

Culture Shock

Right, I thought I could acclimitise to America as I’ve lived overseas for a bit, but NOTHING could prepare me for the sight of… SLOT MACHINES in the freaking airport! Walked out further and it’s MORE slot machines EVERYWHERE! And SLOT MACHINES  pokies [ok just gonna use the kiwi term] in the GROCERY STORE.

Shock #2 : You can’t drink water outta the tap in Vegas as it tastes funny. Ugh. Tried some water out of a dispenser today and I must say it tasted like mint, juleps and insect repellent. It was rather tasty, if it wasn’t drinking water.

Shock #3 : Cars that drive on the right side of the road. I knew this fact before I got here, but in the car I just started freaking out and mentally screaming “AH ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”. OK I think I’m used to it now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Nope. Guess not.

Shock #4 : There are some HONESTLY really cute guys in Michelle’s studio! Ok, fine, cute GUY. Ahem. But he’s young. And I like my men seasoned

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I practiced at Michelle’s studio today! AWESOME! The energy was strong, everyone was going, it was REALLY cool! A pity I forgot about washing off the damn moisturiser before I went to class because I was SLIPPING and SLIDING like an eel throughout class! Oh, and I taught half moon again today ONE side though! Lacey was awesome, she wanted me to teach the FULL posture but I got chicken shit nerves and decided not to [what if I bungled up the timing?What if they don't understand me? What if I miss out a paragraph?!?!?!]. Oh yeah, I fart when I get nervous [JUST LIKE DOMOKUN, hee hee!!!!] so if the studio has a rather acrid smell to it, er… yeah. *whistles and scoots.

BTW Lacey just got out of training, but she taught an AWESOME rocking class! She’s funny, kind and oh so generous with the fans. I am AMAZED! I would have to find a mentor when I get out of TT and just.. train with the person!

Staying at Michelle’s is AWESOME [she told me to make myself at home-what she doesn't realise is I walk around half naked at home wielding a samurai sword and lop people's head off while reciting dialogue - hah kidding!]. Like thedancingj said, the Bikram Yoga community is O for AWESOME and everyone’s so kind and generous and giving [inviting a TOTAL stranger into your house is random, weird, and involves OODLES of trust. What if I were a serial killer?!!!!]. Love love love the community, and I’m FINALLY excited [just a titch] about Teacher Training!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

M*

p.s : I’ve got myself a us mobile number, so if anyone wants to contact me, mail me and I’ll pass you the number. Remember, I get charged for EVERY incoming text!