Surviving Bikram Yoga Teacher Training Las Vegas 101

Or so I hope it is a thorough and complete guide to helping you survive 9 weeks of Hell Yoga Bootcamp.

Sustenance

There will be shuttles that head out to Trader Joe’s /Smith’s [which is kinda like a huge ass supermarket - for non US citizens] to do your shopping. Shuttles arrive every 30-40 [or hourly...] minutes depending on traffic and how many ‘bus drivers’ there are.

Or, you could share a cab and head out to said stores [around US$17-20 total, best to share it with 4 other people in a cab].

As of writing, no shuttles headed out to Whole Foods [a type of fancy-nancy organic superstore].

Laundry

Ah, is that the rank of sweaty yoga wear I smell? Fret not! There are a few ways you can combat the EVILS of mould growing in your yoga gear! [eww!]

Actually, just 2.

- Handwash in the sink of Las Vegas Hilton after every class. This was what I did. As there were NO balconies / open windows to dry it out on [apparently this is to prevent people jumping out of the rooms and suiciding / what have you nots]. But perfectly fine, as the air in Vegas is DRY DRY DRY and your togs [depending on the type of material] will try out pretty fast [a day / 2]

- Rinse them out [get rid of the stink] and save them all for laundry day during the weekend. Shuttles do head over to the laundromat, which costs around US$1.75 [in quarters only] to wash [not including the cost of washing detergent] and around US$0.50 to dry. As I am such a lazy person, I decided against hand washing all my clothes in the tub to dry in the room, but it’s a totally fine option to save $ !

Diet

I am just going to say this very simply without stepping on tails and toes. Eat. What. You. Crave.

The Human Body [capitalised for a reason!] is a VERY VERY SMART too – it KNOWS what it needs! If you’re craving potato chips – GO FOR IT.

A huge cheeseburger? EAT IT.

Warm, deliciously sinful platter of butter prawns Malaysian style? [ME!] GET IT. [I couldn't though - there was NO WHERE in Vegas that had Butter Prawns like Siu Siu ]

Eating In

Here was a sample of my diet for 9 weeks at Las Vegas.

Loaf of bread [to make sandwiches] – US$1.99 – US$2.49 [Trader Joe's]

Luncheon meat [ham, turkey, tofurkey...] – US$3.49 up [Trader Joe's]

Salad [I particularly liked Arugula and some spiced mix that was US$1.99] – US$1.99 upwards [Trader Joe's]

Carton of Soup – US$2.49 up [Trader Joe's in-house brand. LOVED Spicy Sweet Corn - the one in the olive green packaging]. If you prefer, you may head over to Smith’s to get Campbell’s Soup but I found it too… artificial / salty to my liking.

Bag of Chips – US$2.99 up. Yes, I once ate a whole bag of Doritos as a midnight snack. What, don’t judge me, I was at training!

Fruits – Apples, Oranges, Lemons [VERY IMPORTANT] range from anywhere between US2.99 up. Then again, maybe you like fruits such peaches [which I do love but couldn't afford ] which will of course, be priced differently.

Butter – Don’t tell anyone, but you know those room service carts? Yeah, I, er, took butter from it AFTER the people who’ve ordered the service are done with it. Figured I won’t have use for a whole block of butter, and it’s all going to waste anyway. So why the heck not?

I am so sick of bread and sandwich ham, I have yet to touch any of those 6 weeks after teacher training.

Eating Out

I’ll be honest here. Dreadfully honest. Hate me / call me silly, but this is for your own good.

The food at Hilton really isn’t all that great, unless you’re prepared to fork out US$40 UP at TJ’s Steakhouse [which ... is... so-so, but a luxury on your tongue/ oral senses after eating cold sandwiches for the whole. damn. week].

Cheap food can be obtained at Paradise Cafe, though unfortunately the service is slow, the food either too salty / oily / fried / processed [even the SALADS! I can taste the PROCESS in it!]. At Fall 09 Training though, they offered a Vegan menu which was… uh… ah… *shuffles feet. Crap.

Benihana / Teru Sushi [located next to Benihana] has lovely Japanese food, but on the ‘kind-of expensive’ side. However it’s a lovely treat!

Garden of the Dragon hosts American Chinese food, not the type of Chinese food I was used to. Spicy Singaporean noodles ended up being noodles overly doused in curry powder [ewww] and a savoury pork dish I ordered ended up being sweet. Again, maybe I’m not used to Americanised Chinese food [which I found to be either too oily, too sweet, or just plain WTF].

Buffet – YES. No visit to Viva Las Vegas is complete without a visit to a buffet. Buffet at Hilton is open for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. Prices change according to the mealtimes [breakfast is around US$17/8 inclusive of tax while Dinner is US$19.49 inclusive of tax]. I’m not a big fan of the Hilton Buffet, but they do have some pretty awesome spreads on display

Part 1 complete! Next will be for International visitors – what sort of phone plan to get, travelling to the States, things to bring [who fits a blender into the suitcase from Asia? Certainly not me!]…

Toodle loo!

M*

p.s : I have resumed blogging on my other site, just so my 3 avid readers will know

Week 9 : The End is the Beginning is The End / The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

aka “Yes, training ended 2 weeks ago but I’ve now only got the time to update because I’ve been busy living, TEACHING, and hanging out with Bestie Bikram Bloggers Michelle and thedancingj”

Wow, that was quite a long aka.

Anyhoozles, here are a few updates from Week 9!

Monday : The week kicked off with the arrival of Craig Villani, former director of teacher trainings. Before I start, I have to admit shamelessly that yes, I DO think he’s cute and hunky. Evening class and we were all treated to a wonderful 1minute PLUS Awkward Part 2. It was horrifying. Need I mention that at this point of time during training, my left knee hurt, which led to a left hip hurting which led to the right side of my lower back feeling all dull and achy. And hamstrings DO NOT exist in my body. All the times people complain about how tight/sore they feel, I FINALLY felt it in Week 9.

Juan Manuel Extraordinaire also visited this week! As he taught class this morning, he was asking Tu whether the sound system was ok. “Juan to Tu, Juan, Tu, Juan Tu… get it? Haha, ok, little joke. OK LET’S START”. Absolutely loved Juan, and he had most of us [or at least me] in stitches throughout class. “Suck your stomach in, I don’t want to see that damn thing hanging out”. And he’s oh so smart, he speaks like 10 other languages or something, that’s what I heard. Oh absolutely love him, he’s adorable! If Juan and I got married, we’d have like super yoga babies who’ll take over the world! *evil laugh.

Or maybe not.

Tuesday : Tryouts for the demonstration group were held after the evening class. 60 people audition, with a few being culled for having tattoos [I er, could cover mine up]. 35 people made the list, and I’m PROUD to say that one of them was me! While deciding, Bikram made us all do a total of 6 backbends [which made it 10 backbends for the day]. But WOW, I’ve never been so bendy in my life! And I held Standing Bow for AGES! And I NEVER fell out of  Standing Head to Knee! I am superbly impressed! I AM TEH QUEEN OF TEH WORLD!

Then at night I had backache and an achy knee.

Wednesday : If you think Week 9 = cruisy easy breazy lemon squeezy honey lemoney pokey, you are dead wrong. We were kept up late with lectures, plus the lectures you have to stay awake in, as it’s Bikram talking about the postures – benefits, how to do / correct, plus demonstrations as well! Whopee!

It was around this day that I started feeling damn sorry for myself and actually started to soak in Epsom Salts once agan and asked for ice packs from staffers to put on my lower back, knee and left hip [which probably looked like I was putting it on my genitals as I would leave it on top of my hip or shove it down my pants. Yes, I shoved a packet of cold gel down my pants, deal with it].

Thursday : Had to figure out how to fit in demonstration practice +  cooking + eating + showering + laundry all in under 30 minutes as that would be the time I had left before getting my ass to a lecture by Craig / Bikram!

Basically, you cook your little pot of food [soup and bread for me] in the crockpot while you strip off your sweaty togs, toss them in the sink to soak with some detergent, have a shower, come out halfway to turn the pot off, go back in to rinse, come back out and rinse out sweaty togs, towel off in 18.6seconds, moisturise [lest your skin cracks!] in 20seconds, dress in 40 seconds , inhale your food [much faster than chewing] and WA-LAH, DONE IN 30 MINUTES. OK fine, we had a little leeway to come in late, but still! I don’t like sauntering in late as it’s disrespectful, plus you come in from the main door which FACES THE DAMN STAGE, so God and Jesus help you should Bikram spot you.

Friday : LAST. DAY. EVER. Fine, I’ll admit to it. I cried after the last class that Bikram taught. I cried and cried. Cried into arms of other sweaty yogis, cried into my mat, cried into the hugs of everyone else. CRY CRY CRY.

Bikram even played his infamous disco muzak track, to which we all danced and happily partied away. Even spotted someone lying down in Savasana while all the merriment took place. Now THAT takes concentration and effort! A++ mate!

And that ends Week 9. There’ll be a separate entry for tomorrow about Graduation [and what Bikram said to me when I got my certificate ], surviving / nutrition in Vegas [the food here sucks hairy donkey balls, and I'm being kind].

Not forgetting a post about the very first class I taught in Vegas [it's still fresh in memory!] that I taught RIGHT HERE IN LAS VEGAS. Woot woot!

And with that, I guess my journey as a Bikram Yoga Teacher Trainee ends, and my journey as a Yoga Teacher begins.

I would like to thank all my readers, every single one of you, for reading and supporting my journey through my 9 weeks and Vegas. Thank you, thank you.

M*

Week 8 : Oh the ache!

It’s here, it’s finally here. It’s week 9! I’m going to miss everyone terribly

I know I’ve been very skimp on blogging, but do forgive me, as I have to rush off to either catch up on sleep, eat or scoot off as I’m using the internet courtesy of the fabulous Craig and Richard

PROMISE, AFTER training I’ll post piccies up, along with a mini survival guide for future Las Vegas Bikram Yoga Teacher Trainees, ie how to ‘cook’ in your room and healthy happy nutritious food to eat in your room [when you're sick to death of food from Paradise...] … but stay tuned!

Aaaaaand here are today’s updates! :

Monday : Longest class ever with a person popularly known as “2-hour Ted”. In short, a 2 hour class. Heard dialogue, AND THEN SOME. Also marked the first time in my life that I heard the word KEGELS used in a Bikram Yoga class. And yes, I DO my kegels, but most certainly not during class.

Wednesday : Last posture clinic EVER. Did final spinal with the lovely Juicy Sanchez of Mission Yoga and John A. Salvatore, popular Broadway actor AND bikram Yoga teacher!

Thursday :  Morning class, AND WE HAD THE DAY OFF! Treated to a traditional American thanksgiving dinner by Bikram, wee! Ate soooo much, loved the stuffing though the next day I wished I brought a doggie bag with me to the buffet. Heh heh heh.

Oh, wait, hang on.

I have to run off for group dinner before I get unfed.

I promise, be right back, but if I’m not, more updates in a week!

M*

Week 7 : Light at the End of the Tunnel. Or Is It Vegas Lights?

As my mentor Jakob told me, Week 7 is where you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately for me, I DO see the light but I think I’m going to miss the rest of training terribly. Will it be hard for me to integrate with civilians and not talk about poop / pee / period / bodily fluids? Hah!

Enough sappy stuff. It seems that I have mellowed down completely, as I feel… at peace with myself. It’s a funny feeling to describe, but when you feel it, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

So… here are this week’s gossip updates. UPDATES. Not gossip. Ahem.

This week we had the amazing Jon Burras lecturing about fascia, manifesting positive thoughts and other things. While some of the lectures got testy [with a few trainees passionately disagreeing], I do however, agree with some of the things he said. It takes great balls and guts to go up to a group of 300++ people and tell them YOUR thoughts [however controversial it may be] and yet still hold on to your convictions. Kudos to Jon. On that note, however, I would like to say that most of the topics that Jon covered, I grew up with, so it was not really anything new to me. However, I did get a double cultural shock to find out that this was groundbreaking stuff to some trainees. Would love to expand and learn more from other people though!

On the food note, I am deathly afraid of the food in the Hilton, so I’ve been holed up in my room eating cold sandwiches and what not. It is safe to say that I DO know how to cook and eat a really filling meal for rather cheap-ish in the room Of course, I shall dedicate a blog post about this in the future [eventually, when I get the time..].

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand guess what guess what?! I AM CPR-CERTIFIED! So yes, I is ken saves lives!  Anybody wants to pass out and do choking / unconscious choking?!I can do Heimlich, CPR… I CAN SAVE LIVES! Haha!

A few lessons I’ve learnt this week :

- Soak self in Epsom salts, but remember, not too hot, or you’ll end up having night sweats.

- Always identify the farters and stay the hell away from them.

- Be nice to everyone, cause it’s just nice and don’t expect anything in return.

- Papercuts are dangerous, especially if you’re practicing and get sweat / germy-wermys in it.

- Some men just refuse to grow up and want to me mothered and coddled… but I didn’t pay US10,500 to come here and be your mother. Grr!

Aha, and that is all! Apologies for the short blog, but I feel guilty abandoning Ardha-Matsyendrasana to the corner.

M*

Week 6 : Sex, er, Six.

Before I start off today’s entry, a quick HELLO to Grace from New York! Yes, YOU! [Tomoko said to say HI to you btw ]

Week Six is also more popularly known as Week Sex, as all the hormonal rage comes crashing in. It’s also when catfights occur over the limited number of straight guys available in training [think 1 male available to every single horny female], drama occurs and what-have-you-nots-which-i-shall-not-mention.

For some reason, although Week 5 was weepy and emotional for me, Week 6 ended up with me having an intolerance for noise, especially high-pitched noise. Where I used to be able to study with distractions, noise and maybe throw in a male stripper in a gstring gyrating in front of me, I would still be able to study dialogue and shoot it out efficiently without getting hung up on the noise. BUT NOW, oh my, door slams and I get pissed. Someone blows thie nose and I want to chop it off with a machete. What the heck is wrong with me?! Last week was supposed to be angry week, but instead I’m doing it in reverse. Aaah!

On a separate note, I can’t believe how… self-absorbed some people are! “Oh yes we should all buy organic / be vegan / hug a tree, but we do yoga, so I won’t judge you for it”. *pause. Uh, I don’t exactly earn US$ so eating Campbell’s soup and a wad of udon noodles in it is nourishment to me, organic or not. Huff!

So let’s start off the usual blogging with a little day by day update, as I know you all are dying for a slice of news. Not dying, dying, but, you know what I mean! Ahem.

Monday :

After a rather dismal delivery [to me, at least] of Tree Pose and Toe Stand, I think I got my groove back with Pavanamuktasana! So. Damn. Happy! It’s one of those postures that I want to hear people fart in, as odd as it may sound.

Tuesday :

Ahhh drama! The room was HOT HOT HOT, but not as HOT as some carnage days where people had to be carried out. A trainee had to be carried out of the room and as the class ended, blinking red lights pulled into the parking lot of Las Vegas Hilton. Bikram ended the class rather concerned, and we didn’t get to hear any of his hit songs. Turns out that the trainee had some issues and an ambulance was called in, just in case. Don’t know why fire services arrived on the scene [no Foo, she didn't spontaneously combust though I want my dialogue to just go BOOF and erupt into splendid multicoloured flames]. And yes, the trainee is fine and bouncing back to classes and posture clinic Be careful people! Always hydrate, sleep and rest well!

Oh yes, our nightly lecture with Bikram ended at 1am-ish.

Wednesday :

Fuck. Me. Like. A. Donkey. Bikram’s lecture and movies ended at 5am. 5.03 am THURSDAY morning to be precise. This meant scurrying back up to the room to sleep for 3 hours before lugging ourselves out to the roof of the Hilton to take our big-ass group photo. Needless to say, 300 people being sleep deprived and getting our asses arranged on a roof = not many happy campers. But we love the yearbook committee – kiss kiss hug hug!

While delivering salabhasana [I was on a ROLL mind you!] – visiting teacher Michael from Oregon got up, went to the toilet, came back out and TRIPPED AND FELL right in front of me while I was delivering dialogue! At first I didn’t know whether to help him up, but he began staggering towards me and grabbing my ankles. Aha, I thought, it’s a trick! I ignored him and carried on. Turns out that they do distractions to test your power of concentration and see if you are easily distracted. Hmm… how interesting!

Thursday :

Absolutely fun-fucking-tastic morning class with Rajashree. So totally needed her positive energy and motherly love after a 3hour nap on the bed and a 3-4hour nap on the uncomfortable chairs in the lecture hall.

Oh my, I am so happy as Joseph Encinia and Courtney Mace, 2009 World Champions came to camp! WEE!!!! Oh my oh MY OH MY!!! I AM SO EXCITED! Excuse me as I waltz around like a giddy schoolgirl D:

Did I mention Esak Garcia was also here? *squeal!!

Friday :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARC , permanent staff for Bikram Yoga Teacher Training Fall 2009 !!!

Not to mention anything gross, but I am naturally gross and out-there, so here goes : I got my period. Fina-fucking-ly. So sorry guys, I’m not pregnant. I repeat, NOT PREGNANT.

What’s weird is having 20 or 50 other females get their period around the same time, so much for synchronised periods! Kinda cool but gross at the same time. Today was also the day where there was a lack of towels. Went up to a guy who had TWO, and asked for one as I did NOT have a towel to line my mat. I guess some people are just naturally assholes, yoga teacher training or not, as he said , “NO”. Well, fuck you very much, motherfucker! Managed to get a towel from Mandeep, such a sweetheart!

Saturday :

LOVELY EARLY MORNING CLASS WITH RAJASHREE. I will miss her so much! I will be so glad to see her at graduation and get a picture with her. And maybe Bikram too! Wee!

Righty ho, excuse me while I run off and study dialogue. At this point of time, I am so ready to make my dialogue spontaneously combust into a great big ball of flame and watch it turn to ash, and hopefully rise again from the ashes like a phoenix. Either I have an overactive imagination or my yogic powers aren’t working that well, but my dialogue is still winking at me from the corner of my eye.

*growl.

M*

p.s : HAI GRACE! I’d love a comment in the comment box

Week 4 & Week 5 – Hell-o and Emo!

Why hello, sorry I have not being able to update as I was tired and trying to study for anatomy and cram in 5 postures in my grey matter [or dura mater for all you biology fetish freaks out there].

So here are some brief updates from Week 4 :

Monday : This day heralded the return of Boss himself. This meant no easy classes, though the room was not as hot as Carnage Thursday. Good to have my butt kicked in class! Oh yes,first anatomy test. Was quite tempted to write that I was an ESL student [which is technically true...] and get extra credit for the test. But I didn’t. See, I ist honest persons.

Tuesday : Bikram was in such a ridiculously good mood, so he gave us the evening off from posture clinic and threw us a pizza party! YAY! Can you imagine 500 odd LARGE Papa John’s pizzas in a big lecture tent? We were all made to have AT LEAST 5 slices each, or suffer the wrath of a Saturday make-up class [Dom was just kidding, I think!]. Since there was so much leftovers, Mel and I took a pizza back to our room. I am so sick of pizza now. Seriously. So. Sick. Of. Pizza. Ugh.

Wed : Posture clinic and more lectures! At this point of time I had pizza coming out of my ears. Ugh.

Thurs, Fri : More posture clinics and lectures. More drama, haha!

Saturday : Went out with 24 other trainees to watch “O” by Cirque du Soleil. It. Was. Freaking. Fabulous!! Inspired me to work harder on my practice, just a little, hah. Thanks and huge props to Ryan and sophie for organising it. Can you imagine 25 yogis fitting into a hummer limo, with cheesy club music blasting through? Plus the limo had a dance pole in it… all for the price of US$6 per person. Sure beats riding the monorail to Bellagio!

Sunday : Woke up with a frozen shoulder. Motherfucker it hurt so much that I could not wear my bra. Headed out and spent money on Epsom Salts and emergen-c. If there’s one thing [or 20] I wish I brought, it’d be Epsom Salts and a heating pad.

Week 5 (also known as Emo / Stress week)

Monday : Shoulder still hurt like a bitch. By Pranayama Breathing first set my shoulder emitted a loud crack and hell, felt much much better as my clavicle and shoulderblade snapped back into place. Ahhhh.

Tuesday : This started the pattern of shitty morning classes. Grr! And YAY! Jakob came here, so happy that a reminder from home is here This day marked the beginning of a sore throat and runny nose. Ugh. And a few people avoid me like I’m a leper. Oh hello, viruses spread like… a virus. So you’re going to get sick eventually, in the future!

Wednesday : Still shitty morning classes.

Thursday : Shitty morning class. Grrrr.

Friday : Emo and crying day. For some obscene and obscure reason I was crying the whole day. Must be all the emotional stuff I was getting rid of. Plus Jakob was leaving! After I delivered Toe and Tree Pose, cried my little heart out in front of Lynn and Jenna [they must've thought that I am such a weepy whiny freak].  Lynn was gracious enough to call for a break right after my crying drama. Oh well.

And that’s all the updates for now! I’m glad to say I haven’t had any major run-ins with Chicago Bull so I’m happy.

Some lovely quotes from the past 2 weeks :

“You can have empathy for your students, but you can’t have sympathy for them” – Mike from Dallas

“Oi, chicken chest. Yes, you. raisin boobs!” – Bikram

“YOU! Bushy-bushy hair! I HATE LAZY PEOPLE!” – Bikram

“Sweeeetheart. You weren’t going back far enough during backbend! *shakes head*” – Bikram [to me! Damn, I really am visible in a room of 300+]

“What the fuck you waiting for?” – Bikram

“YOU FUCK WITH ME I FUCK WITH YOU MOTHERFUCKER” – Bikram

“If you’re looking into someone’s eyes during savasana, you are very likely creeping them out” – Misha

“Mei, would you like to go for toe stand?” – Misha “No speak England!” – Mei

“Don’t scare your passengers” – Diane during poorna-salabhasana

M*

Week 3 : My Hips, My Hips!

First of all, I would like to thank the lovely Gib from New York [also known as Sweaty Yogi] and his roommate Greg for letting me crash their place and use a fabulous lappie to blog. Gib has a pretty awesome and really in-depth blog about Week 3 events, so go check it out here!

Week 3 heralded the beginning of Anatomy with Dr.Trippani [if my Italian is correct] and his lovely wife Sonya. I know I’m such a geek and sucker for Latin words and anything anatomy/biology related – I absolutely enjoyed and adored his anatomy classes! A pity we have to blaze through the anatomy lessons because I would dearly love to learn more about ischial tuberosities and the gluteal muscles. In relation to yoga. Ahem ahem. And definitely more about carpal tunnel, the nerves and the alleopathic system! I find it oh-so fascinating – even more than going out shopping for a new pair of heels [I hate shopping for shoes cause I have demented feet].

Emmy was here this whole week! I looooove her. She is full of knowledge, wise and practical. As Gib says, she advocates yoga AND modern medicine, 2 mixes that go well together. For example, you tear a ligament? Chill out, go see a doctor. So sad to see her leave, I will miss her energy, wisdom and knowledge! Can you believe she is in her 80s and able to put her leg over her head?! I’m 1/4 her age and can’t do crap! Emmy is SNEAKY in that during class, you hear her voice revebrating out of the speakers, she says “Aha, I see a girl who’s sitting too low” and WHAM hits you with a posture correction midway. [yes, that was me]. So in the beginning all us trainees were looking around nervously for where Emmy was, just so we wouldn’t get freaked when she pounces on you with a posture correction!

Ahh, had a bit of a mini run in with this person whom I shall call Chicago Bull. Cause Bulls have a temper [ironically I'm born in the year of the Ox] and boy oh boy, his temper is terribly revolting for a trainee. So I was standing on my left side of the mat waiting for people to line up on the lines, so I can determine which side [on the line, above the line] I belong on cause some of the teachers here are particular about where you go, which is GOOD because I don’t want someone’s sweaty balls dangling in my face. As I was waiting, Chicago Bull turns to me and aggresively tells me to “HURRY UP, COME ON”. OK, WTF. Seriously? In the yoga room? Dude, if you’re really anxious to know where to step, and this is my opinion purely, just COUNT a few mats down and estimate YOURSELF whether you need to step forward or backward. Don’t rush people, and stop being so aggressive! This person falls out of postures [as we all do], gets all aggro, stomps his feet around, huffs and puffs and is very very … unprofessional about his conduct in AND out the yoga room. I had the misfortune [or fortune] of practicing in front of him, and I fell out of Standing Bow a couple of times. I could feel his mean, horrible and negative energy BORING into the back of my skull, cause he’s probably thinking, “Why the FUCK is she standing in front and always falling out?!”. Oh well, maybe that was my yoga for the day, to put up with negative energy and give him positive energy. Or I could be the mean bitch that I am and lace his water with laxatives.

Friday evening marked another emergency exit for me. That was a hot, sweaty and juicy class! Again, my face went numb, fingers and legs started getting tingly and I decided to not be a heroine. Dragged my soppy, self out muttering [in my head], “Fuck fuck face face face!”. The very nice and absolutely cute Tu from New Orleans [I just wanna hug him, squeeeeeze him and carry him back to Malaysia cause he's SO CUTE and CHARMING!] gave me a cup of Coke laced with oodles of salt [which I found to be very delicious] and another cup with regular Coke [it has subtle differences to the Coke we have in Malaysia, not that I drank much of it to start with]. 2-3 postures later he booted me back to class, saying “You learn more in there than you do out here, get back in!”. Oh, and I used the Sick Bin [the bin where you puke in] as all the gas in the Coke was making me all burpy and puke-worthy. Lesson of the class? I’m STRONGER than I think I am! Oh, it was David from Dallas’ class, it was so wonderful and he stuck with dialogue word for word!

A few things about the dialogue and the way it’s written. As a former copywriter, I must admit that when I got my copy of the dialogue from the studio director I grabbed a pen and started correcting the spelling AND grammar. In fact, if you have a look at that muffin-ridden oil-stained copy, you WILL see traces of where I amended standing head to knee, amongst other poses. Basically, yes, it’s written in pidgin English BECAUSE it is the fastest way to get the commands to your body in order for your body to respond to them. For example, instead of “Bring your right leg up”, the dialogue says “right leg lift up”, cause it’s so beautifully SIMPLE!! This goes with other parts of the dialogue, instead of “Touch your forehead exactly on the knee”, it’s “Touch your EXACTLY forhead on the knee” because first, you know it’s EXACT. Forehead. Knee. There, isn’t that simple?

I bring this up because I heard a trainee moan and groan about how the dialogue is easier for ESL [English as a Second Language] students as we can’t tell correct grammar from wrong grammar. It’s not about correct grammar, punctuation or whatever, it’s how it’s delivered straight from the teacher’s mind, to her mouth, to her student’s body.

Another point about certain members of this TT is how some people look upon disdain at the anatomy lectures and Dr.T’s nutrition lecture. This man I was sitting next to said to a couple of his mates, “What the hell, this isn’t a posture, this isn’t a dialogue, why should I care?”. Well, firstly, I KNOW that the lectures are important because what if someone comes up to you and says, “I have a fracture on my C7, pain in my carpals and I recently squished my ischial tuberosities in a car accident, is it safe for me to do Camel?”.  And if you don’t know SQUAT about what the heck the person was talking about, how are you going to advise and subsequently TEACH and CORRECT and HELP the person? AND, to add to that, if you’re misdiagnosting and not helping the person, you WILL be giving bad advice and consequently leading the person to injury, making the person to think that Bikram Yoga is not safe and will cause herniated discs and what not, all because you did not pay attention at all during the lecture. As Emmy says, “Precision, Intensity and Frequency” !!!!

Gosh, ranty much? OK, rant over!

I feel so blessed and lucky to be in a group of really positive people who love this yoga and love that they’re here! I also am loving the wonderful faces and generosity of the many yogis and yoginis in this training!

And with that, I will leave y’all here as I think I’d better give Gib and awesome Greg some privacy. A little person like me can do much damage, apparently, according to my feedback from the posture clinics! First I was told to not find power through volume [oops!], then to not speak so fast [oops!]. I have a feeling I’ll be a meanie teacher who teachers a tough class, and this was proved by Tomoko who said “Oh my, I’m afraid to take your class! You’re gonna be so tough!”. :s

I promise not to hold y’all in Awkward Part 2 for tooooo long.

M*

Week 2

First of all, I’m on a 13 minute time limit so this will be a quick update before I get vamoos’d off the computer.

Sorry, totally verbose update – but I know you guys love it – hah!

Ahem.

First off all, Thursday will hereby be known as Carnage Night as 100++ trainees were all sitting in the parking lot suffering from dehydration, exhaustion, overheating and what-have-you-not, including yours truly.

It was FREAKING HOT, 145F!!!! 98% humidity!!! People were throwing up, crying, and by cobra, my whole face went numb with my entire left leg cramping up. Not fun. Decided to fuck-all and not push myself too much [7 more weeks afterall!!!], raised my hand and limped out helped by Fiona. A staff member came to collect me at the door and promptly gave me gatorade and 2 cups of pedialite [mmmm pedialite] to rehydrate my sad sorry ass. Er, face. Face. When asked “What’s wrong with you?”, I COULD NOT TALK [because my face was numb afterall!] and just mumbled : “Ah fung fuh fuh fes”. I could’ve been talking Greek for all they cared, but I got treated like the depleted diva that I am. Since I was blocking the passageway, I had to be MOVED outside to get some fresh air, and lo behold, LOTS OF casualties! I remember thinking when my face went numb, “Oh God, is this how a freaking face lift of Botox feels like?!” [yeah, I've got a really weird sense of humour- kiss me!]. Poor John, who was supporting me from door to parking lot, decided halfway to carry a very soggy me because uh, I think I was clawing into his shoulder for support. Thank you John!

OK weird thing , how’d he know my name? Cause halfway when tofu me was limping, he said “OK Mei, why not I carry you?”. Realised that some staffers / visiting teachers probably read my blog so, HELLO Bikram Yoga Fall 09 Staffers and visiting teachers! *waves like a mad woman

Bikram was nice and gave us Thursday [Carnage] night off, only after watching a few news segments about Bikram Yoga. Friday night was BOOGIE DISCO NIGHT! Right after class, Bikram put on his doof doof dance CD and during savasana, a few crazy yogis [like yours truly] got up and danced danced danced at the back of the room! Let me tell you, the ENERGY WAS SURREAL and it made me want to laugh dance cry and should all at the same time. It was a much better high than taking 3 hits of E *clears throat uncomfortably. And uh, I think fellow trainees think I’m a little dynamo of sorts :

TC : Yeah, there was this girl who jumped right up after savasana and started dancing! Then she grabbed the guy on the mat next to her, and ther were both jumping and dancing up and down!!!

Mei : Oh, really? That sounds like me!

TC : Are you sure? Cause she looked really tall!

Mei : Oh , yeah. That DEFINITELY was me! Jumping and going wooo! Heh.

Random updates!

- Some Australian guy requested people not to fart in class. Ya, really. Ya, seriously. Next time I see him, I’ll drink 4 cups of whey protein shake, position my mat directly above him and give him a few good stinky farts. Saddam Hussein’s mustard gas will have NOTHING against a few stinky whey protein Mei farts.

- Forcing myself to eat even though on some days [especially during carnage night] I had ABSOLUTELY no appetite. Some trainees are calorie counting, but fucking hell, I calorie count to make sure that I consume 2000calories MINIMUM.

- Freaked the cleaning ladies up when I conversed with them in Spanish. So, be nice to them, cause you get extra towels and toiletries. Heh heh heh.

- Can’t wait for Nicholas T to come visit – I need other non yoga friends to talk about random stuff other than the colour of my poop [green], constipation, pee and hydration.

- Even after filtration, the water still kinda tastes crap. Ugh.

And with that, my 13 minutes of internet fame is up.

M*

Week 1

HAI BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.

I MISS YOU GUYS.

It feels weird getting online chatting / updating / twittering without any replies. I am truly SO SO SO SORRY that I can’t blog from the Hilton cause :

- Wifi is FUCKING expensive. US$14.99 for 24 hours?! are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!!!!!!!

- Which brings me to point 2 – no free wifi from the hilton. WTF.

- I. have. no. energy.or. time.

Soooooo let me do a quick summary of things that I can remember [it will be in disjointed sentences because - so kill me nazi grammar police - I am rushing to finish off a blog post and head off to do laundry / grocery shopping - weeeee!]  :

Monday :

- 1 class. Room not hot. Body aching.

- 1st week, take it easy honey! Don’t try to freaking impress Bikram!!!! A girl next to me was trying to force herself during rabbit but she came out with a look of pain on her face. That is not what yoga is about!

- Evening off. Went to wallmart [hate the service there] and got a crockpot, food [canned] and other stuff.

Tuesday :

- Room STILL NOT HOT. Barely dripped. Started doing doubles.

- Shoulders fucking hurt.

Thursday

- Stayed up till 3am watching mahabharat and other things. It was REALLY interestng but I was too tired to keep up. Slept with my mouth wide open [Mel took a photo] and woke up to cotton mouth. Bleh.

- People started complaining and crying. Oh for pete’s sake. Bikram has done this for over 40 years [teaching Yoga] and if you think US$10,500 will compel him to teach YOU EVERYTHING , you are sorely mistaken. You gotta learn most of the things yourself! [ok I feel a few hate comments coming in *gets shields up*]

- Went out for dinner with Mel [happy 27th birthday roomie!! ]

Friday

- DELIVERED DIALOGUE TODAY TO BIKRAM. Holy shitballs I crapped my pants, probably farted out of fear. He was smiling after I delivered dialogue [i guess that's good?!?!] and this was the exchange between us after my delivery [believe me, I think I emptied my bowels halfway (been having constipation the past week) ] :

Bikram : You know, when you stepped up on stage, I was thinking of something. You guys have the same thought?

Mei : Uhhh….

Bikram : Hmm, nevermind, I tell you after training. Good job, fantastic.

Mei : WEE thanks! *scoot off stage*

So he cornered me AFTER dialogue delivery and gave me a big hug, and tld me when he wanted to say when I was on stage [please hold something before you fall off your chair laughing].

Bikram : You know, when you first stepped on stage, I thought you were a boy. *laugh. Then you turned around, I saw your boobs and realised you were a girl!

Mei : *BLUSH*. It’s ok, I get that alot. Sorry I messed up the dialogue!

Bikram : No no, you did fine.

Haha! But he was so gracious about it. So yeah, gonna grow my hair out when I get back from training.

ok, gotta run.

HAPPY SMILING FACE. So damn. fucking. tired.

*zz.

M*

From Vegas with Love

Ahh a very outdated update, just to keep y’all in the loop, all my precious 3 readers! *sob

I bet you must be wondering what the heck I’ve been up to, aside from going to Bikram yoga with bikramyogachick [who is flexi but doesn't realise it yet - plus she's got an awesome rockstar practice! So strong and so much energy and determination!!!!!]. A slight summary of the debauchery I have gotten up to… even before training starts. HEE HEE!

Friday :

Michelle and I visited Red Rock canyon – a little sightseeing before the torture. Aka checking out the locals. It was a truly spectacular sight, as I’ve never been to a desert before. Stunning, breathtaking, with the beautiful red canyon that looked as though God him/herself took a paintbrush and tenderly brushed ochre red against the canyon.

Took the 430pm class and had the pleasure to meet up with a fellow tweeter, @ryanlvnv ! Such a kind soul, was very fortunate to meet him and absorb his happy-clappy energy before class

Saturday :

My highlight of the day was… get ready for the geekiness of this… going to Whole Foods and Target. We don’t exactly have a Whole Foods / Target there [something similiar though!], so I was just walking up and down the aisles going “ooooo! AAAAAAH!” and..and.. and.. I SAW A GIANT MY LITTLE PONY COLOURING BOOK. SQUEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

Control yourself woman. You’re 24 and about to become a Bikram Yoga teacher. Sweet GOD!

Ahem.

BUT A GIANT, LIKE, GIANT, ALMOST 1/4 OF MY SIZE GIANT MY LITTLE PONY COLOURING BOOK that costs US$15

Took a 1.30pm rocking and juicy class with Brandy. She. Is. A. Nazi. Oh but I love her!!! Made a few adjustments on me, which I am eternally grateful for! Oh she’s such a sweetheart, hoping to see her at training!

Spent Saturday night in with a couple of spiced pumpkin ales, yum! Either my alcohol tolerance is SHIT, or the ales in US are pretty freaking strong.

Now if y’all will excuse me, I need to shower, change, pack my bags… CAUSE I AM HEADED FOR THE HILTON baby! HELL YEAH! 9 weeks of torture!

M*

p.s : I am staying in the moment, staying in the moment so good, I don’t even feel excited. Hmm, is there something wrong with me?

p.p.s : WHO THE HECK steals a box of tampons?! Fie to the woman who stole my minibox of tampons. I hope the strings all get cut off magically and you gotta do a little treasure hunting up there. WITH BLOOD DRIPPING ALL OVER YOUR HANDS.